Best excuse ever.

When I was a young girl, we got a dog. He was a German Shepard/something/collie mix and I loved that dog. He was the runt of his litter [which is rather ironic, as he turned out rather large] and we named him Zeus.

He really was an angel of a dog.
Unfortunately, in February, he fell down the stairs one too many times, and my family and I took him to the vet to be put down. I missed two classes but went to school during lunch.
I had finished crying and was in a decent mood when some kid from one of my missed classes walks up to me and says:
"Where were you in class?"
Of course, being in a decent mood, the first thing to pop through my head was:

So, naturally, my response was:

"I was watching the dog I've had since I was five die. Where were YOU?"

Perhaps my humor was sick, but the highlight of my day was this poor kid's face as he walked away.

School and Jail

It's long been my plan to get arrested and sent to jail if I ever need a place to spend the night. You get free room and board, along with meals, and even access to learning materials. I suppose it could become a discomfort when you have to explain to potential employers why you have a criminal record, but I'd imagine that if you were creative enough with the offenses you wouldn't have too much of a hassle.

Anywho, while stumbling on the interwebs, I found this pic that describes how I perceive the situation.

Raffles are for twerps...

I’ve attended quite a few raffles recently and I don’t think I ever want to attend another! There are far too many things about raffles, prize drawings, and “win by luck” events that bug the crap out of me. Here are two reasons I'm done attending the silly things...

I went to an early showing of Harry Potter seven, part 2. The reason I got in was because my parents are insured with Allstate. A few minutes before the movie started I noticed the Allstate employees dragging in some large boxes. This obviously meant a raffle. At this point in my life I was still somewhat excited about the prospect of winning free shiz. That is, I was until they announced what there was to win. There were a few sort of interesting t-shirts (this is where it gets abnormal) a smegging ice cream maker, and some cereal bowls. That was all they had? I didn’t even check to see which number I had!

Math is something freeloaders at raffles struggle with. About 10 minutes later at the same Harry Potter event, a number was called for one of the t-shirts. Someone behind me gave a loud sigh of grief. Then turned to his friend and said “I was only one number away, dang it.” DID YOU NOT PASS FIFTH GRADE PROBABILITY CLASS BRO? EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE FLIPPING ROOM HAS THE SAME CHANCE AT WINNING!!!! They call 56, I have number 4. If they guy next to me has number 57 then he has the same chance of winning as I do! It doesn’t matter exactly which number you have, or how close it is to the number chosen! My friend bob (name changed for security purposes) once told me that he “almost” won a kinect. I asked him how he “almost” won. He replied by saying “They had a drawing for one at my dad’s work party, they called out number 256 to win the kinect, we had 257.” I then said “Seriously Bob? You think you almost won?” Then I told him how math works. He cried (not really, but it makes for a better story) and told me I ruined a perfectly good conversation starter. I apologized and wished him the best of luck graduating from high school Algebra class.

Stick to bingo kids…

Those morons think they're helping

8.5 inches :{

You read that on Facebook, then immediately wonder "what [possible string of profanity] is she talking about?"
If you're a perverted guy you have an immediate thought, but soon realize that it must be wrong.

It happens to be "in support of breast cancer awareness."

I cannot fathom how this helps support breast cancer awareness, or even how it would make the world a better place.

The popular ones aren't much better; you find things related to "boobies" and the color pink.
You know what I'm talking about, so it would be redundant of me to give some examples. However, good writing practice dictates that the author gives examples, so here are examples: The pink "I [heart] boobies" bracelets, turn Facebook pink for a week, and millions of Facebook statuses.

It's not a bad thing to spread awareness, I even try to educate the mass of ignorant people about many things (although I would rank my advocated statements as more important and more noteworthy) such as researching candidates before you vote and knowing how your car works before you drive it.

But the way people go about spreading the word of breast cancer, it's moronic.
If you knew nothing of science (hopefully this is not you, if it is, I suggest you make some lifestyle changes immediately. Stop reading this funny garbage and go read about something you're curious about. NOW!) then you'd be given the impression that breast cancer is something that happens to girls with large breasts, and you can ward it off by wearing pink.

That sounds like something from the dark ages, does it not?

Breast cancer, in simplest terms, is an uncontrolled cellular growth in the breast tissue. This means the cells (those are what you're made of) on your chest are reproducing wrong. Guess what else: males do have breast tissue, which means they can get breast cancer (although it is less common).

So, why on earth are people saying and buying what they are in the name of breast cancer?

I have no idea. To me it looks like people supporting a good cause by doing something stupid.

It's on the same field as this invented scenario: I'm going to buy and recycle a bunch of green construction paper to show that I'm green. At least the people "going green" are actually using scientific facts and common sense about most of what they do. (I don't count extremists who burn factories and farms and chain themselves to trees as going green, I consider them mentally handicapped and just as bad as someone who would dump their old oil into a river)

So, if you plan on spreading awareness for something, do your research first, and actually inform your audience, don't start something moronic to stain the name of a good cause.

One of the things that aggravates my OCD

You probably read the title and are now thinking "no wonder this is so strange, the guy has a mental disorder."
That's just fine with me, I love it when I get judged, because then I have the chance to make people question everything they ever thought about me.  You should know however, that it's believed that everyone has some amount of OCD in them, some more than others.  I have slightly more than the normal person, I believe.  (Or maybe I just let my OCD run rampant where others control it.)

Whichever the truth may be, it doesn't change the fact that some things bother me.  Some of these things are more reasonable, such as my desire that when I turn off the lights the switch should point down.  This really gets on my nerves because the person who did the wiring in the house I currently reside in put the light-switch in my room upside down.  It drives me insane.  I also like square objects to be lined up.  I stack my textbooks bottom to top in order of decreasing cover area.  However, one of the many entities that causes me consternation is not even tangible.  The internet, or, more specifically, Facebook.

You know how Facebook has the right side bar that has ads in it?
Well, on the home page, it has a list of "tasks" (more or less) that the user is supposed to complete.  Things like poke-backs, and friend-finder, and events.  I see all those, and most of them bother me, because I find them counterproductive.  However, I hate seeing them there, so I do my best to get rid of them.

Well, one day, this happened:

Perhaps you missed what I was getting at, it's a little more obvious in this one:

You cannot know how satisfied I felt to see this.  It was like going to bed knowing that I actually did ALL of my homework for the next day of school.

However, a few minutes later I had a CAPTCHA with a left parenthesis and the Greek character alpha in it, so that kinda ticked me off.  It's like flipping the switch down and the light turns on.

When I space out

Sometimes when I'm supposed to be paying attention to something a person is saying, such as a teacher lecturing  the class, my mind wanders.  While many people have trouble paying attention to discussions on topics as intriguing as the symbolism in Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, I tend to entertain thoughts about the most irrelevant of situations.  Usually I gaze in a fixed direction, but after "coming to" to realize that I'm staring at some girl and she's staring back, I've learned look towards a wall or corner when I intend to think.

Here is a good example of what I tend to stare at:

However, once my mind wanders, I rarely see what I'm looking at.

At this point I'm completely captivated by my imagination until I hear my name (you learn to snap to attention at the mention of your name in high school) or the bell rings.

This is what sets me apart from most other people I think.  While other boys would be dreaming about the girl they're staring at, I'm sitting there pretending to fly an overpowered fighter ship around the classroom destroying everything in sight.  (It amazes me how much damage one can cause with his imagination and a vehicle where 50% of the mass is invested in weapons, 30% into the engine, 10% into the cab, and the other 10% into adding details to make it look cool.)

However, upon the chance that I am awakened from my world of rapidly changing velocities, pressures, and electromagnetic spectrum wavelengths, I can usually come up with a satisfactory answer for the teacher.  If it's a History or English class, I can usually get away with sharing an opinion on something remotely related to the topic.

But that still leaves room for a few exceptions, such as drifting off  while trying to finish calculus homework while in my German class.  My mind doesn't respond coherently when thrust from a world of light-cycles to staring at integrals and imaginary numbers to gaping at words I've never seen before.  Thus the phrase "uhhhhhhhh, can you repeat the question please?" escapes my mouth.

These Are my "friends"

Now and then something entertaining to hear about happens to one of my friends instead of me. (Shocking, isn't it?)

Note that names may not match up with genders, however, this is intentional, as I have assigned nicknames to keep the people I know safe from harm (Rebecca in particular needs it badly). Also, there is a story behind each nickname.

REBECCA: CamCam, grab the wheel.

CAMCAM: What, whoa, okay

[Rebecca picks up his phone and starts searching for something]

CAMCAM: Uh, are you going to be done soon?

REBECCA: Almost. (pause) Oh dang, I just got a text.

[A few agonizing seconds pass as I watch the double-yellow line drift away from the car and back]

CAMCAM: Here, take the wheel back.

[Rebecca's fat hand still on the wheel drags it down and the car lurches to the left]

REBECCA: Ahhhh!

[Car's path straightens]

REBECCA: CamCam, what was that for?

CAMCAM: I gave you the wheel and your hand pulled it down and we turned I guess.

Driving with Rebecca is always an adventure. One time Rebecca had his girlfriend shift gears for him because his arm was tired.  The most important thing while driving is to have a good song playing over the sound system (the only investment he put into his car).  This gets really interesting when he's driving through road construction and he doesn't like the song playing.  However, despite the fact that now and then I fear for my life, it's actually kinda entertaining to ride with him.

One time he decided that it would be a good idea to drive in the potholes on the side of the road instead of in the street.  I probably would have been fine with that decision had I not been sitting in the backseat with five other people piled around me.  I had to endure those potholes another four times that day.

Even listening to him drive is entertaining.  If you've ever played a real time strategy game (RTS) such as Warcraft III, Starcraft, or Age of Empires, then you know that eventually you'll get bored and click on the units until they say something funny.  Riding in a car that Rebecca is driving is like clicking on one of those units to see what they say.  There are the phrases that are repeated frequently (rebecca makes a squealish noise) and then a few things that take some time to hear.  It's entertaining to watch him drive, he reminds me of the SC2 Thor. 

-Particle Lemon